Funnies from the Schoolhouse

The lessons taught in school are not limited to reading, writing, and arithmetic.  Read on.

Story #1
Although there are teacher bathrooms (two total) at my school,  it isn't always feasible to leave a class of 22 little darlings with sharpened pencils unsupervised to walk down the long halls to find one.  Often we teachers run into the closest available restroom at the last possible minute.  The closest bathroom also happens to be used by children.  In one particular bathroom in our school, there is a crack about an inch wide when the stall door is closed and many times we teachers have looked up to see a young eyeball staring back at us through the crack.

One of my co-workers darted into the girl's restroom the other day, sat down to do her business, and before she could finish, she had two little Kindergarten faces appearing under the stall door watching her.
One kindergartener said to the other, "Is there a big person in there?"
In which the other peeking kindergartner replied, "It's a grown-up!"
First Kindergartner:  "Oh.....my.......gosh." 
They just couldn't believe that grown-ups used the bathroom, or maybe they couldn't believe they used the kid's bathroom.  I don't know which, but the teacher had to give them a small lesson on how rude it is to peek under the stall and watch other people using the restroom.  Then she wiped and left.

Story #2
We have a teacher who is expecting a baby in about 3 weeks.  It is hard not to notice her belly coming down the hall.  At the end of the day, I was walking my children outside to their parents and we passed the pregnant teacher.  My student asked me with astonishment, "Is she pregnant?" 
I replied, "No, she swallowed a watermelon."
In which my second grader replied, "Wow, It must have been a big one!"

I assumed the student knew I was joking with her, but I soon discovered otherwise when a few days later we encountered this same teacher again.  My student asked her, "Did you swallow a watermelon?"  The teacher answered, "No, I'm going to have a baby."
The second grader looked puzzled and said, "How did you swallow a baby?"


Story #3
Farts happen.  Yes they do.  Sometimes more often than I care to smell.  They happen the most particularly by a small girl in my class.  This usually causes the classroom to erupt in laughter and disrupts our learning.  I have spoken to her about how it is unladylike, not to mention bad manners to do that in public.  But after she let yet another one rip, she quickly announced, "But I had to get it out, it was hurtin!"

A few days later, this young lady did it again.  No big surprise.  The children are all getting quite used to it by now.   A boy in my class said to her, "Remember, you're not supposed to fart!" 
She answered him, "Remember, it's not ladylike to say fart!!" 

I do believe this lesson needs to be re-taught.

Kids say the darndest things.
That would make a great TV show!